As the new season of Game of Thrones looms ever closer, fans are starting to see more and more teases from what’s to come. While book fans have a few speculative threads left to grasp (and we’re grasping all of them in our desperate little hands), we’re pretty much now all on the same page. Whether you’re a book fan, a show fan, or both, it’s likely you’ve stored up a plethora of theories and spent all year crafting your reasoning for them.

And then the release of a full trailer sent those carefully settled theories a-whir again, and now that we’ve all watched it a couple dozen times, we’re ready to discuss.

Because we all saw it: there were a few things in the trailer that incited a round of enthused flailing followed by wild speculation.

For a refresher:

Now join me as I break down some of the especially flail-worthy moments and what that could mean for the events of the season! Show and book spoilers abound beyond the jump, so tread carefully.

1. Dany V. the Dosh Khaleen

13 apparently it didn't look that big the first time round

Apparently Dany doesn’t remember Vaes Dothrak being this large. Or she’s finally figured out that instead of being taken as a new khal’s slave, she’s going to be thrown into the tedious ruling role of the dosh khaleen.

2. Melisandre Has to Admit to Being a Fucking Liar

8 all of it was a lie

You can’t be a little shit in front of Davos. You just can’t. And he’s not secretly rolling his eyes and going “GDI STANNIS I TRIED TO TELL YOU.”

Because he’s just that good of a person (unlike me).

But at least hopefully a humbled Mel is just what we need to get the Jon resurrection ball rolling–all under Davos’ careful guidance, of course.

 

3. Let’s Moot Some Kings Ya’ll

15 GET SOME GREYJOYS

Greyjoy flags, what appears to be Damphair standing in front of the congregation, idyllic mountain landscape–Ladies and Gentlemen, I do believe we have ourselves the makings of a Kingsmoot.

 

4. Tyrion, Meet Some Dragons.

17 at least his names not quentin

Look of pure terror, ominously burning torch, slow approach through a dark chamber….yep, it looks like Tyrion is off to visit a pair of captive dragons. Left in the dark, chained up, and unfed for gods know how long, Viserion and Rhaegal are probably not in the friendliest of moods. Book readers remember what happened the last time a Targaryen-wannabe stepped foot into those pits, armed with naught more than a flaming torch and the burning need to avoid failure by stealing a dragon.

Yeah. He got roasted. Destroyed. Hyped up and given chapters of his own until he met his demise in 2 seconds flat (okay it was actually a tortuously slow death from burn wounds over several days, but his fate was instantaneously sealed). RIP Quentyn.

Of course, convinced as I am that Tyrion is “The Dragon Whisperer”, I expect that he’ll emerge with very different results.

 

5. HI GREGOR!

20 HI GREGOR

The Mountain Who Rides, The Great Dog, a True Piece of Shit, The Terror of Clegane’s Keep—whatever you wanna call him–here he is, in all his resurrected glory.

Just don’t ask him to take off the helmet. For your sake.

 

6. Theon = Reek Again?

32 theon or reek since dogs

Okay, this one is 100% wild speculation, but the bewildered yet slightly terrified look on his face coupled with the hunting dogs in the background give me a few solid reasons to believe Ramsay Bolton is just out of frame here.

 

7. We All Thought This Was Theon

33 theon baptism also time jump

It’s cool, just be honest with yourself.

Turns out, after minutes of scrutiny and some interwebs browsing to confirm the theory, we’ve all realized that this little asshole with the fabulous side burns is none other than Euron Greyjoy. He just looks way more baby-faced than a lot of us expected of this notorious dick. Also he’s totally letting Damphair baptize him so that’s a little….confusing? The Crow’s Eye is more likely to tell Damphair to fuck the fuck off and then kill anybody who disagrees.

Are we sure this is Euron Greyjoy?

43 THIS GUY

I mean, probably, since this looks a lot like the rickety rope bridge Balon “falls” to his death off of. And he looks very much like a Drowned Crow here.

8. Das Jon

46 yeah das jon

We know something, though! Those luscious black locks look awfully familiar. HBO thought they could get away with posting a 720 dpi video in hopes we wouldn’t catch it, BUT WE DID.

9. Bran’s Making Friends

54 but at least he's making new friends

Bran’s back! And not only is he back, but he’s all grown up as well, ready for his adventures into knowing all and learning how to fly. But first, he’s got to exercise a very special new skill: making friends! Here we see him getting chummy with everyone’s favorite Night’s King (who is now an actual person, by the looks of it).

Bran’s newly honed gifts are likely to have us seeing farther in all directions as we put pieces of Westeros’ history together and peer into the future to see what is yet to come. I have high hopes that Bran’s visions will lead us to some amazing new places.

 

…..Like The Tower of Joy

10. GET HYPE IT’S THE TOWER OF JOY

22 TOWER OF JOY

You know, the one Ned Stark and his buddies raided in order to recover the “abducted” Lyanna Stark? They encountered three members of the Kingsguard, including Ser Arthur Dayne, and met in bitter battle to retrieve the object of Robert’s obsession. All three members of the Kingsguard fell, and all but Eddard and one companion, Howland Reed.

Though Eddard was successful, he entered the tower to find Lyanna dying “in a bed of blood”, sealed her death with a final promise, and left the inaptly named Tower.

Of course, the nature of this promise to Lyanna is shrouded in mystery, making it precisely the reason fans are so stoked to see it come to pass, be it via Bran’s powers or a recounting by the last survivor, Reed. You see, Eddard Stark left on a campaign with Robert Baratheon, separated for his mission to the Tower of Joy, and returned to his life with a mystery bastard baby boy, claiming he had had an affair and gotten a child off it.

R+L=J GUYS.

44 TOWER OF MOTHERUCKING JOY

Also this dude has some sick sword moves.

 

Bonus: I S2G Davos is the only one who gets shit done around here

55 davos slaying

1. Davos is holding Longclaw.

2. Davos is the best.

3. Davos is going to slay all the wicked and spread his wonderful goodness to all of Westeros.

4. Or he’s going to slay Ghost and release Jon’s consciousness in a move to revive him. It could be that too.

23 alliser you mad bro

5. I’m pretty sure that he’s just going to give Ser Alliser and his stupid oaf cronies some hell though, seeing as I’m willing to bet the scene that flashes through the trailer earlier on is directly related to Davos’ leap to action.

6. Either way this is a man of action, and he’s going to make damn sure that we keep moving along the story.

 


 

Leave a comment, tell me your theories, or explain why mine are absolutely ludicrous! It’s okay, I know some of them are. But some headcanons die hard, and others just absolutely refuse to die at all. What are some of yours? There was a TON TO TALK ABOUT in that trailer, and this is barely the surface. Let’s discuss!

Writer. Cosplayer. Binge Netflix Watcher. Anime Dweeb. Book Enthusiast. Harbours inappropriately strong feelings about Shakespeare and William Blake. Once lost a whole day theorizing about Game of Thrones. The most motivated procrastinator she knows. Sometimes it works out in her favor. Mostly just causes widespread panic. It's all good though, because she never forgets her towel.

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